WhatsApp to Stephen: Don’t worry, funnily enough I haven’t forgotten your secret
affair with our head of data, or my promise to tell staff about the
reorganisation in a way that doesn’t start rumours. But I’ve got a rush job
for a client. NorthSouth Water is panicking about media calls for a new
crackdown on their God-given right to pollute our rivers with sewage. You
know the old phrase, “Where there’s muck there’s brass”? Well, where
there’s effluent, there’s affluence.
From: Rutherford@Monkwellstrategy.com
To: SarahG@NorthSouthWater.com
Hi Sarah,
We are on it. But we need to be realistic. There is no
campaign that makes this look good. We are on clean-up duty one way or the
other. In a dream world, we’d pledge a fast and expensive programme to end
the dumping of sewage in rivers. So the challenge is to frame a plan which
addresses public concerns while reassuring your shareholders you won’t do
anything as environmentally unfriendly as cut their dividends.
First, we need to reframe this in a broader and positive context
of your stellar environmental record. Yes, this looks bad, but actually you
are way ahead in your 10-point green plan. We need to stress how much
you’ve reduced your carbon footprint, the work on water conservation, your
fleet of electric vehicles. The message is you are super green, but still a
work in progress. Oh, and let’s start referring to sewage as “organic
waste”. Sounds more environmentally friendly.
Yours, greenwashing, Rutherford - Member DCMS Panel on
Business and the Metaverse
From: Rutherford@Monkwellstrategy.com
To: SarahG@NorthsouthWater.com
Hi Sarah. I like the way you think. Yes, we could say the
sewage was biodegradable but we don’t want people thinking about it more
than necessary. Lots of things are biodegradable but you don’t necessarily
want to swim in them. I take your point about the scale of this being
exaggerated but let’s avoid the phrase “a drop in the ocean”.
I’m not surprised the other water chief execs have asked you
to front up this campaign. It’s obviously flattering to be told by your
peers you are a natural communicator and the best person to go on the Today
programme to defend the industry. But I’d urge you to think carefully. On
the one hand, you earn the respect of your peers while they shelter behind you.
On the other, you’ll get your salary on the front of the Mail and
environmental activists turning up at your house to dump sewage in the
driveway.
Best, Rutherford - Member DCMS Panel on Business and the
Metaverse
From: Rutherford@Monkwellstrategy.com
To SarahG@NorthsouthWater.com
Great. That was my instinct too. Stay in the peloton and let
someone else take the heat. It’s what you pay WaterUK for. On the
wider campaign, the message to ministers is that jail sentences or fines of
up £250mn will just lead to higher bills for customers and lower investment
in infrastructure. We also need to push back calls for a beefed up
Environment Agency. Do ministers really want unelected regulators pushing
up bills at a time when everyone is feeling the pinch?
But clean rivers are not net zero. All Tories can, sort of,
see the point of them. Total inaction is just a gift to Labour and we don’t
see a future Labour government as our friend on this issue. They might
prioritise those swimming in sewage over those swimming in cash. So we need
to get ahead of this. I have to advise that you can’t avoid spending so the
game is to stretch the timelines and give them a reason not to act. I know
what you are thinking: there goes the dividend. But we just need to structure
this correctly. It’s like HS2 — we are totally committed to it but will all
be dead before it happens.
That means a plan costing a very large number — multiple
millions — but spaced over several years and nicely backloaded, which will
reduce river emissions by another very large number. Our sustainable,
long-term clean water plan. Is there anything you can do that appears to
link it to your remuneration so it looks like a personal commitment? I’m
sure you can make the metrics achievable!
BTW can you do anything about the particular places the
media keep focusing on. Stick to less accessible areas and they might pick
on another company.
Best, Rutherford - Member DCMS Panel on Business and the
Metaverse
WhatsApp to Stephen: Honestly mate, I’m on it. I’ve just been dealing with a
business leader dumping toxic crap on the people around them. So don’t worry,
you’re very much on my mind.
Ends.
I am not sure whether this link to the FT site, which is
mostly behind a firewall, will work but give it a try to read more from
Rutherford Hall https://www.ft.com/rutherford-hall
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