Life of a Chalkstream: My battle with cow parsley

Dear Simon,

It is April so it must be my month to reengage in the annual battle with the cow parsley that lives (thrives?) in the water meadows here in Nether Wallop.

Now, there is nothing intrinsically bad about cow parsley as compared to its poisonous non-native cousin the giant hogweed, originally imported from Russia and also a member of the carrot family. But cow parsley, though pretty in itself, is a menace in many respects.

First of all it is one of those first growth plants that crowds out the smaller meadow plants – given half a chance the field would become a cow parsley monoculture. Secondly, alongside the river it looks lovely in May but by June it will become woody, outgrowing itself, to collapse across the width of the Brook. It is, as every fly fisher will know, a wicked magnet for a miscast fly.

Enlisted help on the cow parsley cull

So, to head off all these eventualities I spend my early April evenings, with enlisted help, going to war on the cow parsley with my trusty long-handled rip hook. There is a definitive art to cow parsley slashing. Go too low and the blade jams into the thick stems at the base. Go too high and the lack of resistance allows the fast travelling blade to whip dangerously behind you. Get it just right and it is the proverbial hot knife through butter satisfyingly decapitating the carrot-like tops that fall to the ground in a pleasing open symmetry. As I move from one hated clump to the next, a carrotine smell wafts over the scene of this vegetable massacre.

It is really quite hard work, so I measure out the war over a series of evenings. As you will see from some of the before and after photos, the effect is instantaneous. I guess, it is a sort of gardening writ large for the easily gratified. Anyway, it is a long war but I am winning. Give it another five years!

Clockwise: Before the cull. The far bank which is never culled. After the cull. A job well done.

The Madison

I am beginning to feel like a TV critic what with Dirty Business last time and The Madison this time.

For those of you who have not yet seen The Madison it is the latest series from Sheridan Taylor, the slayer of all things woke who has clipped into the Maga vibe with Yellowstone, Landman, 1883 and Tulsa King to name just four of his recent hits. This time the plot centres around a wealthy New York family where the father retreats a few weeks each year to Montana to refresh his soul trout fishing with his fishing guide brother on the Madison River.

I will not bore you with more of the plot and, in truth, The Madison has been panned by the critics (The Guardian called it ‘yawnsome’ but they would …), which is a shame because, in the first two episodes especially, there is so much fly fishing and much of it impressively shot- including fishing in the very spot that the iconic scene from A River Runs Through It was filmed. For once we have actors that can actually fly fish and it shows. The two brothers, played by Kurt Russell and Matthew Fox, do a great job though things get a bit weird when they have to play and net fish for the camera that clearly do not exist. You will see what I mean.

However, aside from that anorak comment from me, it is a joy to see a filmmaker trying to express the beauty of fishing in beautiful places and for those of us who fish, we are even treated to a bit of the nymph vs. dry debate. Who knew Hollywood cared that much? I did try to find out who was the angling consultant on the show but the best I could find was an Animal Coordinator.

You may watch the show trailer here (BEWARE: contains scenes of fly fishing) and watch the series on Paramount+, Amazon Prime and YouTube.

A River Runs Through It

New season. New hatches

I have finally given in. After years of my makeshift hatch on the stream by the mill, which I made from oak offcuts at least two decades ago, I called in Derek Janes, who is of a profession you will not often see listed on LinkedIn – millwright.

I have known Derek for a long while as he first worked with me in the early years of this century when I was restoring the mill and, in particular, the mill wheel which had three apparently terminal problems. Firstly, the giant cast iron spindle had fallen off its supports, the wheel leaning at a drunken angle against the wall of the wheel room. Secondly, someone had nicked the bronze wheel bearings and thirdly the steel gate and lifting mechanism, which controlled the water flow, had rusted away to the point of being useless. Read more about Derek’s successful restoration in Tales from The Mill.

This time, the task was a little simpler. It was not, modesty aside, that my makeshift hatch did not work it was just that it was both hard, and sometimes a bit perilous, to make it work. The concept of the makeshift hatch is pretty simple: it slides up and down in the steel grooves held in position at the correct height to regulate the flow by a nail placed through one of the holes in the centre upright into a cross member across over the opening. So far, so simple. However, the flaw in my hatch is the pressure of the water which jams it tight making raising it next to impossible by simple lifting. This can only be done by grabbing a 6ft steel crow bar, donning waders and levering the hatch from below. Prepare to get wet and swept away by the sudden rush of water.

Anyway, such antics are for those younger than me so I have given into the passage of the years with Derek’s masterful creation which, I think you will agree, is a thing of great beauty.

Old & new

More Dirty Business

Not everyone was happy with my assessment of the impact of Channel 4’s Dirty Business; others think it is significant. I am told Windrush Against Sewage Pollution (WASP) have received 1,200 emails since the series went out and £50,000 in donations. I still remain to be convinced but if history proves me wrong, I will be happy to be wrong.

One reader, Dave from Oxford as we will call him for reasons of discretion, was sufficiently empowered by Dirty Business to write,

“Enjoying your newsletters as always. A good review of Dirty Business. As I watched the final episode I checked my local area on GOVAQUA Welcome to the Oxford Rivers Portal! to see my nearest treatment plant, South Moreton, was actually discharging at the time [29 March 2026]. And as it is right now as I write. [4 April 2026].”

Upstream of discharge 29 March

Downstream of discharge 29 March

I do not know whether to be shocked, enraged or despairing. To misquote King Henry II, will no one rid us of these pestilent polluters?

Chalkstream Conservation Day

Have you ever wondered exactly how the weed cut happens? Wanted to try your hand at some river restoration? Get down ‘n dirty river keeping? Well, in July why not join us for Make Waves: Chalkstream Conservation Day led by our Head River Keeper, Si Fields.

Join us at Bullington Manor on the Upper Test for a river conservation and restoration day in support of Sportfish Rivers Month on Friday 17 July.

Along with Si, you will have the chance to get involved in:

Invasive species removal with a focus on monkeyflower
Kick sampling to discover river life
Practical river restoration work

And watch the famous weed cut in action!

You will need to dress for the outdoors - bring your own waders and gloves. Be prepared for uneven and potentially wet ground. All tools and equipment will be provided. Light refreshments will be available but please bring a picnic to enjoy by the water. No prior experience needed- just enthusiasm!

To register for this free event, click here.

Si Fields

Quiz

The usual random collection of questions this week inspired by the date and the Newsletter topics.

1) What fruit went on sale for the first time on this day in 1633 in a London apothecary?

2) Which two time Oscar winner played rancher John Dutton in the TV series Yellowstone?

3) The herb Parsley (Petroselinum crispum), now common around the world, is native to which European country? A) Balkans B) Italy C) Spain

The answers are below.

As you read this I will be heading to a sound recording studio in Soho for day two of narrating Tales from The Mill as an audio book. Wish me luck .... not something I have ever done. More on that next time.

Have a good weekend.

Best wishes,